Wanting nothing from people
Filed under Notes on 6. April 2007 » Comments [2]
I was listening to an interview with Richard Gere on Charlie Rose the other night, where he mentioned his experiences of visiting the Dalai Lama. He talked about how, in his presence, there was “something more” than just a person sitting there, and also observed that what was unusual about him was that “he didn’t want anything from you.”
As a world famous actor, I suspect Gere must be pretty used to everyone wanting something from him. Perhaps seeking approval, an ego motivated thing we’re all familiar with, where people attempt to derive a sense of self from the perception of others; either the perception of the person, which would be a celebrity in this case, or the perception of those that then would associate you with that celebrity. You all know how that goes, and it can be very interesting to observe this urge in oneself when it arises.
When you meet someone who is identified with ego, you are entering into a sort of business transaction with that person. An event where you contribute to the other’s sense of self, and he or she contributes to yours. And the heavier the ego the more predatory it gets, so that the meeting is even reduced to being nothing more than an opportunity for him or her to get as much from you as possible without giving anything away in return.
Meeting someone who is not identified with ego, however, is different. In such a meeting, it is almost as if there is nobody there. You look into his eyes and there is only light — you know he is not judging you, and that there is no hidden agenda going on. He is himself, and so is not looking for himself anywhere, not seeking a sense of self in the interaction. He is fully himself; not the mind made sense of self, but the one self. Which is not really being anything at all, but simply being.
Being yourself, or just being, is a state where you don’t want anything from anybody. Because when you become free of identification with the mind made sense of self, there is no longer any need to add anything. You realize that nothing can be added, and that the idea of adding to your sense of self is absurd. Makes perfect sense to the ego, of course, but the essential self recognizes that it is already complete.
And in that state, simply meeting people becomes a remarkable event. In part because it is so unusual to meet someone who wants nothing from you, but mostly because there is ‘something more’ involved, as he put it. A still presence that is able to shine through, a light that is usually blocked to some degree by the personal self.
When you are with someone like that, there is a feeling of being able to be completely yourself — which is to say that you can enjoy the absence of the mind made sense of self, and simply be.
