Really saying yes to what is

Filed under Notes on 7. June 2007 »

If we look at the thought patterns of the ego, most if not all of them are characterized by a tendency to want something other than what already is. Whenever the ego is not completely preoccupied with future-projection and fantasy, and actually takes a moment to stop and look at what is, the usual attitude is to think that “this should be different.” There may be a fleeting pause here and there of thinking that the situation is finally perfect, but the major flaw in how the ego works is that no situation or configuration of events can ever satisfy it. Nothing is ever enough, because the sense of lack is built into the structure of how the ego operates. Which means that whatever content is added, sooner or later there will be a need for more.

Saying yes to now, yes to what is, can be a powerful way of snapping out of this habitual attitude of “no.” Complete acceptance of what is signals the death of the ego, because the ego thrives on having something to resist. It feeds on complaining about what is, feeling offended by what is, being angry at what is, and simply being against what is whatever the cost.

However the idea of accepting what is can be misinterpreted, and the ego can, with great subtlety sometimes, twist it around for its own purposes in order to remain in control. There are two main aspects to this misinterpretation; to mistake the yes for a no in disguise, and to mistake what is for a story about what is.
The former has to do with equating acceptance with resignation, of saying “yes” with an attitude of resistance and underlying negativity. In this way the yes to now is seen as being defeatist, something along the lines of saying “oh all right then, I accept that I am fat and miserable. C’est la vie.” Which might look like acceptance on the surface, but in reality it comes from an attitude of negativity and resistance that has absolutely nothing to do with saying yes to what is.

Which leads to the other aspect, namely the mistake of thinking that you must say yes to a story. I remember Eckhart Tolle taking a hypothetical example of an unemployed actress working as a waitress. She had a story about how she had failed as an actress, and how she must now do something that she resents while being deprived of what she really wants. This is the story of a personal self and a certain configuration of concepts, and has nothing much to do with reality at all. So the mistake in this case is thinking “okay, I accept that I am a waitress because I failed at being an actress.” Which is not really accepting what is, because none of it is real and so has very little to do with what is. The only reality it has is as a current of noise running through the mind, which you can then accept as part of what is at this moment.

So now there’s the usual concern; if you give up resisting what is, will anything ever change? In the above example, will she now just be a waitress for the rest of her life because she said yes to what is?
This is yet another misconception, or rather just another aspect of the big misinterpretation of what it means to say yes to what is. The truth is that things can only really change when you accept what already is. Saying yes to now might seem passive, a resignation to leaving things stagnant, but in fact it is just the opposite.

To realize what the words are actually pointing to, it may be helpful to play around with them a little, even if only just to shake the old thought patterns loose to make room for a clearer interpretation. For example, contemplate the idea of dynamic acceptance of what is, describing an attitude of saying, “this is what is; now what can I do with it?”
This is also vulnerable to misinterpretation, because the ego can go into the pattern of seeking the next thing and projecting into the future, but at least it shakes things up a bit. When you think of it in this manner, you go from the habitual stance of being in resistance to what is to being aligned with it. Approaching the present moment with an attitude of asking “what can I do with this?” gets you beyond the old pitfall of thinking “this shouldn’t be as it is.”

It is important to keep in mind when practicing this that the focus is on the process and not the outcome, because otherwise the ego will jump right in there with future projection and attachment to results. Asking “what can I do with this?” is not about what you can get out of it, or what you can achieve through it, but what you can do with it.

Saying yes to what is is about aligning yourself to reality. You see what is, accept that it is already so, and then go from there.