Becoming Free of Attachment

Filed under Articles on 26. January 2007 »

In spiritual teachings, the word ‘attachment’ is widely used to describe our relationship with the world and is often talked about as being the root of human suffering. Basically, it is said that the more you are attached to the world of form the more you will suffer. And thus to become free of suffering, you must relinquish attachment.

These attachments can be in all shapes and sizes, but whether the subject of attachment is a job situation, a romantic relationship, a car, or the opinion of other people, ultimately it is always attachment to a thought; the common denominator of all things in the world as it relates to our perception. When we are attached to a certain job situation, for example, we cling to some configuration of ideas about that job situation, such as all the reasons why you need that job to be happy. And the same thing goes for money, whether you have little or plenty, the attachment is always to the thoughts you project on it.

The fear of detachment

“But wouldn’t I become cold and uncaring if I were completely detached from the world? Almost comatose?”

The thing is, becoming completely detached from the world is not the only alternative to attachment. This of course depends upon how we define ‘detachment,’ but usually it is seen as a state where you are disconnected from the world externally and disregard it completely. It might be a comfortable state to be in, or at least it may seem so initially, but it leaves a lot to be desired in terms of service to others and is usually only a transitory stage between attachment and the real alternative, which is non-attachment. The best way I’ve found to describe the difference between the two terms is that detachment is static, while non-attachment is dynamic. In non-attachment you can participate in the world, initiate things, be active and interested, while detachment is characterized by withdrawal. Another way to describe the difference between the two is that love, inspiration, and creativity are defining aspects of non-attachment.

However the term detachment is often used to describe what we speak of here as non-attachment, and there’s no reason to put too much weight on whatever particular word is being used if you get the overall message. The kind of detachment people usually think of when there is talk about letting go of attachment, is the uncaring and distant kind. And as a result of this there is a common fear that if you were to let go of attachment, you will become inhumane and uncaring, which is why it can be useful to talk about non-attachment instead.

The ego and its attachments

For us to understand the root cause of attachment, it is useful to look at the nature of ego, which is, simply put, the mind’s identification with form. And because of this identification with form it is always seeking to add more forms to itself, as a matter of survival, which is the source of its propensity for worldly attachments. This can manifest as an attachment to objects, usually those that symbolize status in society; an attachment to other people’s opinions, e.g. desperately seeking approval and validation; or an attachment to a negative judgment, such as being easily offended and harboring resentment. Whatever the attachment is, it ties you down and causes you to suffer.

While certainly illogical and difficult to understand, the ego is not only interested in attaching to what it perceives as positive things. As listed above, it tends to form attachments to feeling offended and victimized — it clings to painful thoughts and negativity, because it believes that they are necessary for its continued control. The ego feeds on guilt and suffering, and so many of its attachments are there only because they give you pain. These can be the most difficult ones to spot, but once you do it will be an incredible weight off your shoulders.

The attachment to promising things is the best place to start, though, and once you are able to start letting go of those then the negative attachments tend to dissolve on their own.

Seeing everything as disposable

In order to be free of attachment, you need to see every object, situation, thought etc., as disposable. Which may sound harsh, negative, fatalistic, and generally like bad advice, but seeing everything as disposable can be a tremendously powerful key to freedom from attachment. And be sure that in no way am I implying that you should look at the world in a negative way. It may seem like it at first, but let me explain.

When I suggest that you see everything as disposable, what I mean is that you need to be willing to let go of anything and everything. This is not to say that you should give away all your things, end all relationships, and go live under a bridge. It is first and foremost an internal willingness to let go of anything you might have or expect to have; to approach the world with a general attitude of non-attachment. So for example if you win a million dollars in the lottery, non-attachment is to be internally willing to let go of it, to give it up. If you’re not willing to lose it, you are attached to it. And any attachment, however slight, will cause you to suffer.

St. Francis advised that you should “wear the world like a loose garment,” and what he meant was that in order to be free, you need to be in the world without relying on it for shelter. A way of being that allows everything to come and go, not clinging to anything that arises; to regard any form of external security as temporary, and being willing to relinquish all forms of outwardly derived pleasure or satisfaction.

When you see everything as disposable, it denies the ego its chance to weave stories of future salvation. And when you let go of attachment to the belief that anything in the world can save you from having to suffer, you realize that ironically it was the attachment itself that caused you to suffer all along.